Reversed
I began reading Tarot around 1995. I was 12. I had decided to leave the Catholic Church (while I was in Catholic School. Rebel.) and I was looking for something that was fulfilling. I knew that people found religion fulfilling and I knew that people found Catholicism fulfilling, but I didn’t find Catholicism fulfilling, so I went in search of something else. Anything else.
I had a friend who was looking for something similar. I am not sure what prompted her. I just know I was excited to not be on the journey alone. She spoke about paganism, witchcraft and Wicca to me and it sent me down a rabbit hole. I know her parents weren’t as supportive as mine. I think her mom had found some books that she took out of the library and tried to throw them away. I know that in 8th grade my friend would carry all her witchcraft books with her in her book bag every single day so her mom wouldn’t throw them out. I ended up buying some books and we would read in tandem during recess.
She found a local witch shop and we would go on the weekends and talk to the owner who looked like Jerry Garcia. I lived closer to the witch shop and I would find myself there a lot and had a lot of conversations with the adults who frequented it. It was a rare time I felt safe talking to adults. They didn’t treat me like a kid, they let me ask questions and they explained things to me and they also challenged my thoughts, but never in a condescending way like I felt the adults did in my school.
Tarot was interesting. My first deck was the Celtic Dragon deck, which my friend brought for me. I was obsessed with Dragons. A being that lived alone in a cave and who could breathe fire when someone bothered it? This makes so much more sense now that I have also delved deep into my Natal Chart and know that I am a 12H Leo Sun & Mercury, with a Pisces Moon and a Virgo Rising. (I AM a Dragon.)
I spent my teens reading Tarot for myself. Hiding it. I continued going to Catholic School and while the adults probably wouldn’t have said anything there were peers who were insufferable. There was one girl in particular who saw me reading an occult book and who decided it was appropriate to slip “Jesus Loves You” notes into my locker and books and who equated my Depression with my “interests in the Devil.”
I went to college still hiding it, although still finding a metaphysical shop in my college town. Still only owning one tarot deck. Still relying on my guidebook. Never feeling quite good enough to trust myself. After college, I bought 2 more decks, but only after my Celtic It honestly wasn’t until the pandemic and quarantine that I started to trust myself with my cards. (I also have a lot more decks. 60 at last count!)
I didn’t even realize until sometime in college that some people don’t read reversals. I understand it, but I can’t imagine not reading reversals. I still check my guidebooks. Sometimes it is not even the guidebooks to the same decks I am using. I use Google a lot.
Today’s Seven of Wands RX is super interesting. I have been nursing a migraine for 3 days. Migraines are also something I have been dealing with since I was 11. Actually, it is something I was diagnosed with at 11 but I have been dealing with for much longer. I classify my migraines based on how much I can work. A “working migraine” and a debilitating migraine. I have had a “working migraine” for the last 3 days and while I have pulled the 9 of Swords a few times I have not listened to Tarot screaming at me to rest.
The Seven of Wands Rx is telling me to GIVE IT UP and rest. The battle to keep working is one that I fight too often. (Yay Capitalism) It is so deeply ingrained in me. It is Friday, so maybe I will listen today.
