5 of Cups - End of February

I have been participating in #Sincerely78Tarot since November 2021. After The Sun energy, I received in January this 5 of Cups energy was a reminder that I still have a lot of work today.

I resonate a lot with Water Energy and I always have. I remember being sort of disappointed when I was younger to discover I was a Leo with fire energy. Then as I got older I discovered that I have a Pisces Moon. (There is that water energy!) Also, it makes so much sense that my emotional self is tied to all that water.

5 of Cups can be a card of grief but also a card of remembrance. The card is mostly depicted with 2 cups still upright behind the person. Even on this card from the Pacific Northwest Tarot, you can see two of those cups upright. That is a little bit of hope and comfort in those upright cups.

I have been anxious since I can remember and I was diagnosed with anxiety at age 5 so it is easy for me to be anxious all of the time. Sometimes I need to remember that not everyone is as worried as I am all of the time about all the decisions they have to make. It has gotten easier over time. It’s definitely has gotten easier since quarantine. It’s easier to not be anxious not interacting with people all of the time. I have been trying to work it out with my new manager that I actually have a chemical imbalance and there’s no way she can solve my anxiety.

A part of my life of anxiety is the life of feeling like the embodiment of disappointment. The people-pleasing is strong within me and over the last 2 years, I have been moving away from that. I am moving away from being the disappointment. Moving away from feeling like my feelings can’t matter if they disappoint someone else.

So my journey to flip my 5 of Cups began about 2 years ago. Receiving this card this month was a great reminder that sometimes I have to remember what I think matters most. Being worried about what someone else thinks is not the way to live. It is super easy to fall back into old habits even if they aren’t healthy.

Old habits can be a sort of security blanket. It’s why addiction is so hard to overcome. It doesn’t matter how unhealthy something is for you, if you have been doing it so much you will still miss it. You will crave the sense of security it brings. Like MJ in Spiderman says if you expect disappointment you will never be disappointed. So there is a sense of normalcy for you by falling into those habits.

One of those habits is anxiety, another one is people-pleasing and there are a few others. Sometimes it is easier for me to just do what I know the other person wants. Why? Because it won’t cause conflict. I don’t have the energy for conflict, but is it worth me being completely unhappy? Is it worth me going through a spiral of depression because I want to make sure another person feels okay?

The simple answer is no. Nothing is worth your own personal happiness. We have to put ourselves first. We have to choose ourselves first. Put our oxygen mask on first before we help others.

Part of flipping that 5 of Cups Reverse is reconciling who I am as a person. Accepting that anxious, depressed, people-pleasing person. Knowing my flaws and knowing that I will never be perfect, but I can try. Every day I can try and that makes me good enough.